The Lovers (What qualities would your ideal partner have?): That…I’m not really sure what the answer to that it is. I mean, the men I’ve been attracted to in the past have been pretty much polar opposites in many regards, and, frankly, I have yet to even have a boyfriend and I’m pretty young, so I haven’t really had any experience with romance yet…but, I do know traits that I think I would like to see in a partner, tentatively. I admire honesty and trust, but those seem to be things I expect of people or seek to bring the importance of into their minds. I admire creativity, but that’s not a hard-and-fast rule: you don’t have to be an artist or writer or musician or anything to impress me. Creativity comes in innumerable forms, and you probably have something you do that’s creative and all your own and you may not even realize it and it may not even be within the sphere of what people consider to be creative. As for physical traits…I couldn’t give a crap less what you look like. It’s about a person’s self, their personality, their soul…
Strength (What gives you strength?):
Hmmm, well, I get strength from a lot of different things. The most basic and most accessible source of strength for me comes from myself: I pride myself on my independence and on taking as much responsibility as possible for my own actions and success. I hate being a burden to anyone, and I value my independence and ability to succeed and function on my own very, very much.
My next source of strength comes from my ideals. Naturally, I know that ideals can blind, and I have seen both in my own past and the people and world around me just how dangerous that blindness can be, but I draw upon beliefs I have to motivate me, oftentimes. I hold Empathy, Freedom of Will, Loyalty and Open-mindedness very close to heart, and when I feel as if I’m slipping I’ll often turn to them.
I get my greatest strength from my friends though. They helped to lift me up out of the mire of my own hatred and cruelty that kept me (and still keeps me in some parts of my mind) a monstrous, wrathful and unforgiving human being for much of my life. They are the people that, against all odds, have turned my cold, cruel past self into the woman I am today. I still stumble on the path to empathy and understanding every now and then, but my loyalty remains unwavering to the people I hold dearest to my heart and who continue to astound and inspire me daily.
The Star (What inspires you?):
In my life, far too many little things inspire me to recount efficiently here, so I think for this question I’ll stick to what inspires me creatively.
I adore tragedy, the pain and suffering that comes from the inexorable cruelty of Fate or forces that have long since had their mark. I like to see characters struggle, throw them into conflict emotional, mental, physical, societal. I like to see where they tip on the thin line between Hero and Monster and where and how they come to slide towards one realm or the other. When cultures cross and ideals clash, I like to examine the shatter-marks they make and how the characters nurse those wounds and the hatred that such contradiction births in and between them…
In other words, I like fighting and conflict and violence and tragedy and HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SUFFER MY CHILDREN, SUFFFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Judgement (Have you ever done something that you were really ashamed of?):
Mhmmm. Mhmmmmmmmmmmm. Mhm. MHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. Oh yea, PLENTY OF THINGS. But I’ll tell you one of my most retroactively shameful moments in my life: one day I decided that if I couldn’t get people to stop hurting me by asking nicely, I would ask them to stop with my fists, words and very being. Lots more things that I’m ashamed of came from that, but that promise to myself has always been a kick to my face every time I remember it. Gah, I was such a jerk.
(Describe a dream (or nightmare) you’ve had recently.)
I had a dream a few nights ago where I returned to an old-timey underground library/museum I hadn’t been to in a dream since I was about…10? Yea, about 10. Sure enough, the flea-market that was taking place there when I was younger was still there, and I lazily browsed through some boxes of old books, knowing well that the moment I woke up I wouldn’t have anything I found in my hands anymore, so I knew it was a bad idea to make a big deal about finding something interesting. Strangely, there was almost no one around, and I soon found myself wandering around in some of the more darkened halls nearby, looking at taxidermied animals, some not-so-taxidermied animals in small cages, and some small displays and presentations in the general area when I came across a chapel I had never seen before in this area.
Nothing was really different in here, the lighting was the same, the same kind of dusty, abandoned air about the whole place, but one detail did throw me off. In front of the large, stained-glass window at the far end of the chapel was a large, warped giraffe corpse, preserved in a weird, broken arrangement, its neck snapped and body bent in on itself, its form seemingly darkened with dye or some chemical treatment. Inside its snapped neck was some solid, geometric block of some sort of red material, like a block of granite but a bright, almost candy, red. I stood underneath it and tilted my head trying to find any means by which it was suspended to no avail: no wires, no magnets, no ropes, nothing. I made a “not bad” face at it and went to leave, waking up shortly after.
It wasn’t a nightmare, per se, but it was a little off-putting. My Subconscious has been giving me relatively upbeat, less “formal” dreams as of late, just throwing random fictional characters at me and such, so for him to give me something along the lines of what I’m used to from him was a little odd at this point in time. Also, I want that giraffe statue…taxidermy…THING in my house. It was really interesting to look at.
The High Priestess (Are you good at keeping secrets?): If someone trusts me enough to keep a secret, then my mouth will be locked up and the key thrown far, far away. To let it slip would be utter betrayal.
The Chariot (Have you ever had to fight for something?): Yes, I have. I’ve fought a lot of internal battles that mean much to me, but the greatest battle I’ve fought so far was in defense of my friends and Loyalty. I have seen so many of them kicked down and pushed to the brink, told that they were worthless or even inhuman, and I have ran to their side and cried out in their defense, held them up when others were poised to slam them back down. I have fought for the people I love and care about…but before I could ever raise a hand to help them, I fought with myself for what felt like ages. How could I put my trust in anyone? Why should I care about them, their problems? Why waste my time and effort on people who were so flawed, so easy to have slip away and forget about me? It took me a long time, and I still doubt myself sometimes, but I have fought for people I love and against myself to find what could very well be the strongest driving force in me today. Rawr, rant/ramble done.
The Hermit (Could you cope with living alone?): Yes, I could. Solitude, for me, is a welcome home away from home. For me, being alone with my thoughts is a great joy and, often, how I relax. To have all that time alone may make me a little lonely eventually, but for the most part I’d adore it. All the more time to talk with the voices in my h-…I mean, think about things and get inspired…yea…
I found this unfinished painting on my files and decided to finish it!
It can get lonely up in space, so make sure to go visit, Madotsuki~